lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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