was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
