just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
