I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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