i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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