I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
