We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
