I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
