Life is so much better after having sex.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
