he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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