i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize