Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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