You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
