I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
