nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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