dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize