If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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