can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
