Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
