Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
