I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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