oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
