Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
