I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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