He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
