I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
