I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
