The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
