he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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