I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
