so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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