Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Congratulations! We have a period
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