How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
be right there i have to get my cape
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize