My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
