is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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