Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize