Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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