We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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