$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
