you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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