I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
