Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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