just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
