Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
