also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
