some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
