Do you still have your period?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
