i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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