lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
