My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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