Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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