ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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