toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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