sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well you can't waste a boner
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
