AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
