OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
