We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize