Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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