i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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