she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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