so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
