Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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