in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
