i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize