you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Randomize
