He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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