***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
