in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
