threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
