Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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