i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
