So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
