I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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