I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
