Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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